When I was young – maybe ten or eleven – one of my Mum’s friends gave her an entire display box of Mars bars to say thanks for a favour she’d done. Incredible, right? In case you aren’t familiar with them, Mars bars are tasty sticks of nougat with a layer of chewy caramel on top, enrobed in delicious milk chocolate. And thanks to my Mum’s friend, our family now owned an entire box of them! What?!

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There are certain TV shows that make for awesome foreplay. Your choice of show will depend on your style and desires, but I’m sure you know the kind I mean: those which consistently give you flashes of horny fuck scenes that will play on your mind long after the credits roll. This week’s awesome guest blog is about a single scene in one of those shows. When he originally pitched it to me, I remembered the exact moment – “slap me” – from the mouth of a character who wouldn’t usually be submissive. And it gave me echoes of the horn that I felt when I’d watched that show too. I only wish I could have taken the cum-trigger hotness of it and put it into practice as spectacularly as this…

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I wrote this last week when I was excited to go to a festival, pondering whether this might be the first time I ever got laid at one. I always have this romantic fantasy of finding a festival boyfriend – someone who I can snog while the bands are on, who then disappears into the night, not seen again until (perhaps) next year. But then every time I go to a festival with the aim of getting laid, I fail. But failure here is sweet and this is why. 

He catches your eye in the beer tent, your festival boyfriend. Gives you a smile and a nod. Mouths ‘cool shirt’ and lifts his plastic pint in a casual salute. You smile back, flushing hot with nervous energy, and wonder if you should go over and say hello. But you’re struggling to catch the attention of the stoner who’s working the bar, and you’ve got to get back to your friends. Besides, by the time you turn round, full hands sticky with cider, he’s gone. Your festival boyfriend has disappeared into the crowd.

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This week’s guest blogger is the fabulous Valery North – a fellow sex blogger who has written beautifully here before about the way haes body’s sexual response has changed over time, as well as shared a gorgeous extract from haes book – ‘Not to choose‘. Valery got in touch recently to let me know hae’d tried out a cool and unique toy from one of my site sponsors. Having dreamt of discovering a rimming sex toy for a while, how would hae get on with this kickass little licking simulator? Read on to find out…

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First things first: when people say ‘it happens all the time!’ I cannot stress enough just how true this actually is. Perhaps I’m wildly unattractive or extremely intimidating (lol ‘perhaps’ – I have been informed on various occasions that I am both of these things, but some men choose to fuck me anyway so I’m gonna work on the assumption that they’re not just making it up for lolz) but rest assured it’s reasonably common. Please trust me on this – I’m a big slag who has been lucky enough to spend a lot of time with dick. Most people I’ve shagged for any length of time have at some point found they can’t get an erection. I am not qualified to tell you how to magically make one appear, but I can give you some suggestions on what to do if you find yourself in that situation and you struggle to move past it.

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