All Posts – Page 86
Can one person meet all of your needs?
I have a lot of friends who embrace nonmonogamy – i.e. relationships where you are both open to the idea of forming romantic/sexual bonds with more than one person – as opposed to monogamy, where you pair off with one person, avoid shagging anyone else, then eventually cement your bond with matching clogs and a National Trust membership. Naturally, as someone who moves in sex-positive circles, I run into loads of people who have taken the traditional ‘scripts’ we’re taught we should follow when it comes to relationships, and torn them up in favour of writing their own. I love this, and I think the more people who do it the better. However, when I talk to other people about different relationship styles there’s one argument for nonmonogamy that rubs me up the wrong way.
‘Sorry’ seems to be the hottest word
Note, before we begin, that this post is going to describe a rape fantasy. I use the phrase ‘rape fantasy’ instead of something softer like ‘consensual non-consent scene’ because I think it’s more accurate. As with any fantasy, the fact that someone enjoys it in their head does not mean they’ll necessarily enjoy it in real life, and so my writing should on no account ever be taken as a justification to do anything like this with your partners. Nor even, if I’m the one you’re fucking, should you take it as permission to do it to me. If you fully understand this, and you’re not going to be freaked out by the idea of that, let’s talk about why ‘sorry’ is the hottest word you can say at the moment of climax.
In the bank/accidental ghosting: how often should you message?
If you are seeing someone on a casual basis, or you’ve agreed that you’re going to date/shag them but haven’t quite done the logistics for meeting up, how often do you message them? Are you checking in regularly to see how they’re doing, or do you consider them ‘in the bank’ and therefore probably not in need of regular contact until it comes time to meet up? What is the difference between being casual about checking in and accidentally ghosting someone?
OK Cupid is shit now
One of the things I’m finding hilarious about dating again, eleven years after the last time I was single, is that no matter how compatible or otherwise my date and I might be, there is one fact on which we always agree: OK Cupid is shit now. This isn’t a problem with an obvious, easy solution, I just think that when you realise something truly good is gone, it’s important to allow yourself time and space to mourn. OK Cupid sucks horrible arse these days, and I know I’m late to this revelation but I’m super fucking sad about it, and I wanted to have a little rant.
Guest blog: How I became a multi-orgasmic man
When this week’s guest blogger got in touch with his story, he initially mused that perhaps the reason he was telling it was that he just wanted to brag. To which my response was – and will always be – BRAG AWAY, MY FRIEND! One of the things that keeps me coming back to blogging, and keeps me greedily hoovering up the stories you pitch for the guest blog slot, is the extra gratification that a particular sex story, kink or fantasy has when you share it with other people. I live for bragging: whether it’s telling my friends I got laid or hearing them get laid in turn. Telling you about my wanks, or – in the case of this week’s guest blogger – hearing a fabulous tale of how he became a multi-orgasmic man (a very rare thing for a cis dude!) and started having the best sex of his life.
CN: brief references to abuse.