Girl on the Net

One of my early boyfriends used to make my cunt gush using only five words. Whispered into my ear over drinks with friends, mouthed at me across a crowded room, I think even sometimes pinged into my Nokia phone with a knicker-moistening chime, one of the horniest things to hear from someone you fancy: “you’re SO gonna get it.”

The latest Kink of the Week topic is ‘Threats’ and I am not exaggerating when I tell you that as I clicked on the link that my good pal Molly had sent to me, scanned the page and understood the task she’d set, my cunt literally twitched. It started to positively hum with ‘fuck me immediately’ energy. I, who had previously been lying comfy on the sofa checking Twitter, instantly leapt up and scurried my desk so I could properly get stuck in.

I absolutely love being threatened with a good time. That is a phrase I will use throughout this piece (interspersed occasionally with ‘threatened’ on its own), because I need you to understand the consensual aspect of this. Though ‘threat’ has bad connotations most of the time, I’m a subby fucker and I LOVE IT. What’s more, the things I want to be threatened with 95% of the time (we’ll get to the other 5% later) are nice things from my perspective. They’re activities I enjoy: a bare-hand over-the-knee spanking through tight yoga pants; being instructed to take my knickers off and not put them back on for the rest of the evening; a truly brutal fucking; the belt. As I say, 95% of the time I want to be threatened with a good time. When a guy tells me ‘you’re SO gonna get it’, I want ‘it’ to be fun.

That early boyfriend had a great sexy threat baseline: he knew I wanted ‘it’, and so did I. All the time. I was young and horny and as I recall he had an exceptional cock. He’d say it to me when I looked especially hot, and it would make the back of my knees go tingly, so powerful was my sudden and potent desire to get fucked. In fact, it was such a good threat that I nicked it and used it back on him occasionally, until it became our ‘thing’ (which I imagine was probably extremely annoying for our friends, but as I say we were young and young people are irritating as fuck). But I reckon over the years I have gathered enough experience, and been issued with enough incredible ‘good time’ threats that I am qualified to analyse what I reckon makes for a good one.

What makes the best ‘good time’ threat?

For me, the perfect threats (and I’m not saying I’m writing this post as a really massive, green light, ‘PLEASE DO THIS THING IF YOU’RE UP FOR IT’ hint to the dominant guy I’m lucky enough to fuck, but I’m not NOT saying that) are ones which fulfill the following criteria:

Delivered with a smile

Most important to me. Vital beyond measure… sexy threats should be delivered with a smile/wink/nudge of some kind. They should never ever be used when you’re genuinely angry with someone, or in a way that could reasonably be interpreted to mean you feel that way. Accompany the threat with a raised eyebrow and a rakish smile. Make sure you’re touching them or making eye contact while you do it so you can check their reaction and IMMEDIATELY back down/offer reassurance if they look uncomfortable or distressed. Sorry, gotta add this because I find it deeply traumatic when a man is genuinely angry with me. So deliver your good time threats with a horny smile please.

Either extremely broad or extremely narrow, never in between

A great sexy threat, in my opinion, is either very specific with regards to punishment, or extremely vague. Never in the middle of those things.

For instance:

If I spill a bit of his pint on the way back from the bar and say ‘oh no! Sorry!’, he could lean in and tell me with a menacing whisper: “you will be.” Incredibly vague! So vague! But brutal, direct: I love it.

Or at the other end of the scale: just after I apologise for spilling his beer, he reaches beneath the table and grabs my knee. As the conversation moves on and no one else at the table can hear us talking, he puts his lips up close to my ear and calmly tells me: “do that again and when we get home I will yank down your knickers, bend you over, and pour beer all over your naked backside so it hurts much more when I beat you.” Then he squeezes my knee a little bit more firmly, flashes me a devastatingly horny grin, and suddenly my cunt’s responsible for flood warnings in the Greater London area.

See what I mean? Punishment that is either very specific or incredibly vague. How about middle ground? Let’s try it on for size.

“Sorry? If you do it again I’ll put you over my knee and spank you.” Meh.

“You’ll be sorry when I’ve given you six strokes of the cane.” Eeeeeh.

“Say ‘sorry’ one more time and you’ll be sorry.” Just too many ‘sorry’s’, sorry.

It has an anchor/connection/fizz

A great sexy threat is anchored in a personal way to the person being threatened (me) by the person doing the threatening (seriously, sweetheart, it’s you. If you’re wondering if this means you then don’t worry it definitely does, I think you’d be really good at this if you fancy having a crack, no pressure if you don’t fancy it though). Regardless of how detailed or broad the punishment is, the threat should be delivered in a way that is specific, direct and personal – like a handwritten letter. It isn’t vague and catch-all, like the messages you get on OK Cupid if you fulfill the criteria of being ‘any woman within 100km of That Guy’.

What I mean here is that you single out the person to be punished (perhaps by using their name directly: try out “You’re in trouble” versus “You’re in trouble, Sarah.” – the latter is just instantly more personal and therefore hot. See also the devastatingly vague/broad threat that is just saying someone’s full name. Eye contact, smouldering stare, dark tone with trace of a smile, you utter: “Sarah Anastasia Childs” and I instantly come in my pants).

Without a name, you can still anchor a threat – by using a punishment that’s specific and personal to the person you’re threatening. Something you know they are especially keen on, or something you did to them recently that’s fresh in their mind. If you don’t have ways to anchor the actual threat itself, you just need some kind of direct connection, ideally one that’s secret and intense, over which you can transmit the vibes of your threat. I know that sounds weird, stick with me. I’m talking about the fizz. You know the fizz? When you make eye contact with someone and they give you that smile. Or when you’re sitting next to one another and they press their thigh tightly against yours because the group conversation has just reminded you both of that one time on holiday when you… yeah. That. The fizz and crackle of connection that passes between you. That has to flow through somewhere, right? You can use names, references to things the two of you do/have done together, or you can use non-verbal connections like making direct eye contact, touching them surreptitiously, or even popping up in their phone if they’re amenable to that sort of thing. But the better you can anchor any sexy threat, the hotter it is.

Give it time to sink in

For a sexy threat to truly work, you need to let the beat drop. Once you’ve issued the threat and delivered your squeeze/smouldering glance/devilishly horny smile, give the person you’ve threatened time to register what you’ve said. Don’t stumble through ‘you’re in so much trouble when we get back to my flat’ in a half-murmur before quickly changing the subject, or follow it immediately with a chuckle to soften the blow: let it fully sink in. Keep that eye contact going. Squeeze that knee half a second longer. Note the reaction of the person who has just been told:

“If you do that again, you’ll be stripped, whipped and facefucked in the hallway the second I get you home.”

Give them time to process the implications of that. Likewise with something disarmingly simple such as a whispered:

“You’ll pay for that.”

You want them to consider all the possibilities encompassed by the word ‘pay.’ What exactly does this payment consist of? Let the beat drop – leave a pause – while they ponder the cunt-shuddering array of options. See also: “you’ll regret that” or – unngh – “just wait till I get you home.”

I know, right? They’re wrong but right, right? Threats! Incredible! Threaten me with a good time. A beating, a hardcore railing, being made to hold my breath and swallow your cock while you count to thirty? Sign me the fuck up!

As I say, 95% of these threats ideally need to be for things that society has told us are ‘bad’ but which my vagina’s gone rogue on and declared to be ‘excellent’: spankings, beatings, whippings (these are all different things and I would love to discuss the difference with you including ranking our mutual favourites next time we get high and make out in your kitchen yes it’s you I definitely still mean you if you’re up for it), facefucks, cuntfucks, aggressive hand-jobs, being stripped, time spent being made to wear nipple clamps while holding the chain between my teeth to stop me from moving/speaking, etcetera etcetera. Nice things that I enjoy, and would do without needing the threat, but which are imbued with menace partly because of how you threaten them, and partly because they’re taboo enough that they still have their bad connotations.

Incidentally, once we’ve solved climate change I think the next issue humanity should work to tackle is how to smash sex stigma while keeping just enough taboo that I can still get my rocks off. I do worry sometimes that all this beautiful work I’m doing to stop people feeling ashamed of their kinks is a rod I’m making for my own back. Because once we’ve smashed all the stigma nothing truly ethical will ever be taboo – and Taboo Town is where all my greatest wanks come from.

Where was I? Oh yeah! 95% of the punishments should be fun. End section.

The other five percent of threatened punishment

Stick with me if you’re into this, people, but if you’re not into the stuff I wrote above you almost certainly won’t like the next section: it will contain threats of things I find more frightening, in a way that dips almost-but-perhaps-not-quite into ‘consensual non-consent’ territory.

Here goes: the final 5% of threats. Why leave those to one side? Well… because I think in order for threats to be hot 100% of the time, for me there really does have to be the occasional sense of danger. Threat of comeuppance that – in the moment – I don’t always know if I’m going to want to endure. Something that represents a genuine punishment, delivered in the tone of someone who knows it would truly be painful/difficult, by a person who knows that I LOVE being nudged into doing The Bad Thing sometimes.

One of my exes had a few of these kinds of threats: variations on the opener, always the same punishment. It was something he really loved to do, that I found challenging. But because it was hard, and horny, and taboo and a bit aggressive, I wanted it so fucking badly. So much. No other kink would have worked as my ‘5% punishment that is actually a scary thing to be threatened with’ quite like this one.

“Stay still or it’s going in your ass.”

“Be a good girl or it’s going in your ass.”

And the number one top threat, uttered after a menacing ‘sssssh’…

“Shut the fuck up or it’s going in your ass.”

See what I mean?

Anal as punishment: ‘bad time’ threats and freedom

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this is one of those things that could cause controversy. It’s worth noting, in giant neon signage, that this is something that’s true for me but would not necessarily be true for anyone else. It’s also worth noting that I knew this ex very well and we were both pretty good at communicating within this space. Upon hearing this threat, if I’d wanted to, I could always just have said ‘oh sorry actually no I’m not really up for that today’ if he had looked like making good on it and I decided I needed an out. If you play with safewords, you could use yours.

But the occasional genuine fear of the punishment means I got to play in two spaces I fucking adore: either doing exactly what I am told, or being a horny brat. One of the ways in which I used to communicate to this ex that I didn’t want it in my ass was to… be really really careful to do exactly as instructed. If he’d threatened me with anal, and I did not want anal, then you could be damn sure I would hold my position/be a good girl/shut the fuck up far better than I would on those occasions when his threat had pressed my gush buttons and I desperately wanted him to actually see it through. The very fact of obeying would feed back into the hotness, even as it also acted as a hint for him to keep threatening but not tip over into action.

If I was feeling cheeky, and up for getting pinned to the bed and given anal as punishment? I could squirm and squeal a bit – be a bad girl – and hint that I wanted what was coming to me.

Note that, just as sometimes I’d back out of the punishment, so too would he. Occasionally I’d squeal and be a bit bratty and he wouldn’t make good on the threat – he also sometimes enjoyed threatening-but-not-doing, and that is A-OK. The threat itself is the kink here! It’s hot for me to be threatened with a good/bad time even if you do not see it through! I’m not a dog being trained – it’s not like you’re ruining my development if you threaten a consequence that you subsequently don’t have the time/inclination to deliver. Your consent as the threat-maker matters too! As long as punishments are dispensed some of the time, that’s enough to keep their sexy magic sparkling through all those times when you don’t necessarily do it, but you do want to give me that kick of horny anticipation that you might.

That’s one of the things I love about threats – they open up a doorway into a new kind of comms. Somewhere between banter and dirty talk and body language and fucking. As a naturally bratty, undisciplined and playful fucker, I enjoy being threatened not just because I love the punishments, but because I love the chance to break a rule. That tedious cliché about how people are only submissive because they want to give up the control that feels so important to them in life? It’s kinda true for me sometimes. I like to be given rules and boundaries in certain sexy contexts because it gives me something solid to kick back against, and if a few of those rules can have genuine – shiver – consequences when broken? It makes the whole rules system infinitely more fun. It’s still a safe space, either one of us can withdraw consent at any time, but it means I get the chance to feel a safe version of the ‘you’re in deep trouble’ shudder, and have a go at being the rebel I almost never am in real life. And I get to do it all with a smile on my face and a wet patch in my knickers, while maintaining eye contact with a hot guy who wants to destroy me. Yes. A thousand times yes.

“Wait till I get you home,” hissed sotto voce in the pub.

“You’re SO gonna get it” popping up in my texts as you leave your place to head over to mine.

Gesturing at the granite-hard erection that’s currently tenting your jeans and telling me: “you’ve got five minutes to make me come with your mouth or I will pin you down and take this out on your cunt.”

Texting me a picture of the chair you made me kneel on yesterday, naked ass sticking out at the perfect height for you to pound your cock in with a force that felt positively primal, and captioning that image with two deliciously-paired words: “Home. Now.”

Being made to stand with my hands on my head and my shirt torn open while you apply nipple clamps to my tits, brushing your mouth tantalisingly across the exposed parts of my neck and chest but never quite making contact… waiting till my thighs are trembling and I’m making accidental keening noises, so desperate am I to have your lips upon me… then just at the point when I think I might start to weep for sheer need of them, you flip me round, push my face into the wall, and growl in a clit-thrumming baritone that only good girls get kisses. Bad girls? Bad girls get anal.

Yes. Please. God. Fuck.

I had three wanks while I was writing this post. And I know for a fact that once I’ve typed the final line, I’ll have nudged that up to four. Because I’m going to end this piece on the rocket-fuel hotness of threats by reminding you of the sexiest way I have ever been threatened with a good time. Perhaps the greatest thing any partner has ever said to me during a fuck.

I was perched naked on all fours at the edge of the bed. Angling my legs as wide as I could, arching my back and gripping the mattress while he fucked me like I was in trouble. He was clearly eager to come, yet struggling to get there. Moaning with a kind of frustrated rage as he pounded me brutally from behind, this man pressed his hand into the small of my back to pin me where I was, and through breathless gasps he grunted:

“If you don’t hold that position and I can’t come, I’m gonna beat you so hard.”

This topic is gonna be SO HOT, click the lips below to read everyone else’s posts…