One of the most popular posts this year was the one on wank fantasies, which I wrote for Masturbation Month. That surprised me because it was mostly just me allowing my dirty mind to spill out a load of random snippets of porn. But seeing as people seemed to enjoy that, I’ve been prompted to do a similar thing this week – write some sexy Christmas fantasies, and in lieu of a Christmas gift guide, give you tips on sponsor products/websites that can help you to fulfil them. Pick your favourite fantasy, have a wank if you’re so inclined, then consider buying someone (or yourself) a Christmas gift or two from the recommendations that come with each story. These fabulous companies sponsor my website, so it’s thanks to them that I can keep churning out more filth for you all – if you’re happy to click through to their sites and support them in return, I really appreciate it.

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This is an erotic fiction story I wrote while I was on holiday. A holiday during which I went for a lot of long walks across some very muddy terrain, so inevitably over the course of these walks I nurtured a fairly detailed fantasy about getting dressed up in my best clothes, then utterly trashed by a horny guy who pushed me into the mud and fucked me. So yeah: this is a story about getting fucked in the woods, with a heavy emphasis on how messy and trashed you’d be at the end of it.

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I’ve been having a very busy – and exciting – few weeks, with lots of people wanting interviews to chat about audio porn. Including a super-fun behind-the-scenes interview for Vice, a fab round-up of top audio sites in Forbes, and even the New York Fucking Times holy shit OMG! I am genuinely over the moon about this, and I can barely contain my delight. What started as a small project designed to make my site more accessible to/enjoyable for people using screenreaders has now become the most visited section of the site. As I don’t have a guest blog lined up for today, I thought it’d be nice to welcome new readers/listeners with an overview of the most popular audio erotica, as well as some highlights of excellent guest audio too.

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I’ve always been quite fascinated by the idea of a hands free orgasm. I once found a video of a guy twitching his cock so the head rubbed gently against his stomach, over and over again, for ages, until he came in intense and powerful squirts all over himself. I watched that video so much that if it had been VHS I’d have worn out the tape. This is a fictional story based off an idea that occurred to me while I was out for a walk, which just kind of hit me and felt so ridiculously hot I had to write it to get it out of my head. I don’t know if it’s actually possible, but if you try it and it turns out it is, let me know.

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In the course of my electro sex adventures, I have had a lot of ups and downs. Mainly ups, naturally, because electro sex toys open the doorway to plenty of intriguing sexual adventures that wouldn’t be possible without this specialist equipment. Click on the link in the first sentence for a few examples, or feel free to just imagine me writhing naked on a wooden bench while a lightning storm rages outside, and my partner zaps my cunt while cackling eagerly like a horny Dr Frankenstein. The downs (those moments when electro sex toys don’t do exactly what I expect them to) are mostly caused by me forgetting the golden rule of electro sex. So as I write up my latest adventure – fucking an electric dildo – I thought I’d take the opportunity to properly explain this golden rule.

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