It’s that time of year again! February! The bit just before the 14th when everyone’s telling you to buy sex toys. Instead of just telling you to buy stuff, I am going to share with you some horny ideas for Valentine’s Day, then tell you that if you like those ideas you’re welcome to reward me by giving me good girl points clicking the links and buying cool things from the companies which sponsor this website. There are some amazing companies on the list (porn! Audio porn! Sex toys!), and my horny ideas are all ones you and a partner (or two, or three, or four) can put into practice with (I hope) relatively little effort, and either low cost (all but one are less than £50) or completely free. Don’t say I never treat you right. And even if you’re not in the market to buy, I hope you’ll enjoy these mini porn stories anyway. I had a super horny time writing them.

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Let’s get this out of the way to start with: I am not foolish enough to believe I’m the first person ever to wonder what kinky sex is like in the Dark Materials universe. Specifically in Lyra’s world, one in which everyone has their own daemon – a creature with whom you share a connection, who accompanies you at all times, and essentially functions as an external manifestation of your soul. The second you create a world with such creatures, and moreover declare that it’s taboo to touch someone else’s, inevitably you’re going to prompt a generation of perverts to grow up wondering what it’d be like to have your lover’s snake-daemon wrapped around your throat while they rail you. I know I’m not the first to explore this horny avenue, and I certainly won’t be the last. But it’s fun to ponder the implications of a world in which a part of your soul manifests in the form of an animal which is both reflective of your personality yet physically distinct from your human body, and how that might lend itself to some outrageously hot fuckplay. Strap in, my friends, cos this is gonna get… how shall I put it? … bestial.

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No sooner had we recorded some of @JenetalTorture‘s amazing guest blogs as audio porn (check out her first one – a hot first-time estim session – here) than she had racked up a brand new adventure to share as a guest blog. One so far beyond the kink-levels of her previous posts that it gave me a new insight into the meaning of the word ‘degradation.’ As well as degradation, the following post contains humiliation, ABDL (which stands for Adult Baby Diaper Lover) and ageplay. Everyone in this post is a consenting adult well over the age of 18, but this note is here so that if you don’t consent to read about these kinks, you can click away to less pervy pastures. This guest post also features messy diapers, piss, snot and a valuable lesson for people like me who sometimes like to call ourselves kinky: no matter how horny you are, there’s usually someone who still has the capacity to out-kink you. If you don’t know who that is, it’s probably Jenby.

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I missed the Kink of the Week deadline for this, but the topic – inspection – reminded me of a story I don’t think I’ve ever told you. It didn’t have an obviously fucky ending, so it never feel like a good fit, but this is one of the hottest things a man has ever done to me.

I met him in the summer. A mutual friend was hosting a barbecue, and everyone was milling around on the patio at the back of the house, sipping drinks and swapping stories in the sunshine. You could be forgiven for thinking it was a standard suburban get-together… if people hadn’t also been occasionally smacking each other’s arses or revealing the odd flash of tit.

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This gorgeous erotic fiction piece is written by Spencer Pritchard, and read aloud here by Matt Johnson. Note that this BDSM cuckolding erotica contains consensual power play, and uses the word ‘slave’ within a kink context.  

I can feel the fabric pulled tight across my eyes. Anticipation making my fingers twitch as I fight the urge to lift the blindfold before you command me to, your last words still sat in my ears: “Do not remove that until I tell you too, or else you won’t get your treat.”

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