Note: this piece tackles some stuff about femininity, womanhood, and ‘worth’. I do not believe that any of the things I say about ‘good girl points’ are true and I don’t encourage you to believe or internalise them. But as with all weird notions, sometimes you have to state it to slate it, so I’m allowing myself to be a bit more open about the dark beliefs that power a lot of my decisions, especially in light of some Twitter discussion I’ve seen about why you shouldn’t just keep trying to be ‘good’ and ‘liked’ all the time. Rest assured I’m working on these things.

The other day, at about 11pm, a guy offered to walk me to the train station. We’d been having a lovely evening together – eating dinner that he’d cooked for me because he knows it’s one of my favourites, watching a weird film that we’d chosen together because he cares about my opinion, then enjoying a teasing blow job because when we started getting horny I specifically requested that he let me be ‘playful’ for a bit. It was fabulous. I felt very content. Very… what’s the word? Very heard. Valued. Appreciated. But when it came time for me to head home, he offered to walk me to the station, and this objectively kind gesture made me deeply uncomfortable.

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Earlier this week, my best mate asked me if I’d tried using ChatGPT to see if it could accurately do my job. I am fascinated by machines that can learn, because I enjoy exploring the philosophical implications of computers that can genuinely think: the same thing that drew me to sex robots a few years ago now has me salivating over the possibility that a chat bot might one day achieve personhood. But in today’s world we are less worried about AI ‘achieving personhood’ than ‘stealing our jobs’. So… is ChatGPT good enough that one day it might take my job? Can robots write sex blogs? I thought I’d test it out to see whether I was in trouble.

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I could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times someone’s removed my bra with dexterity and skill. It just doesn’t happen very often. There’s a reason for this: bra hooks are pretty tricky to handle! When I was younger I think I bought in to the propaganda that a guy who was ‘good in bed’ would be able to magically unhook my bra one-handed while we were making out, without any fumbling whatsoever. But that’s bollocks. Nowadays, I think that the hottest way to remove a bra isn’t to fumble with it, or even dispense a little quick-fingered wizardry. The sexiest and most efficient way to remove my bra is to just tell me to take it off.

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Is there such a thing as the perfect butt plug? Finding the right one for you is a hell of a fun quest to embark upon, and I always love hearing about people’s sex-nerdy adventures down the sex toy rabbit hole, hunting for exactly the item that’s perfect for them. Today’s guest blogger is back after an incredible opening post about what prostate orgasms feel like, to share some tips and advice on how to choose the perfect butt plug for you. Hopefully it’ll get you thinking not only about what you want from the perfect sex toy, but also pondering (as I now am)… what exactly is the collective noun for butt plugs?

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I’m trying to be a bit kinder to myself when it comes to churning out content, so instead of trying to come up with a fun way to shoehorn a bunch of Black Friday/Cyber Monday sex toy discount codes into a vaguely horny post, like I usually do, I’m just going to publish the actual codes, and separately publish a sexy post I already have in draft. That way I can use this one just to tell you that the following amazing companies help to keep the lights on at GOTN HQ, so if you enjoy the filth I write then please do check out my sponsors and treat yourself if you are so inclined. Now is genuinely one of the best times to pick up sex toys, as far as discounts are concerned, so if you’ve been waiting for something, leap on it asap.

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