I wish I could remember my most powerful orgasm. Although I don’t believe in an afterlife, I like to think that if there was one, you’d get some ‘life stats’ before you passed over to the other side. Someone would tell you what your happiest day was, and you’d get to relive it. You’d get a tally of how many people, over the course of your existence, had nursed a giant crush on you. And you could see footage of your most powerful orgasm.

Although I can’t remember my own most powerful orgasm, today’s guest blogger can remember his. He is here to tell you all about it –  as well as the hot fuck that produced it – in deliciously pervy detail. Enjoy!

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There is something very sexy about you having your own room. I don’t mean your own bedroom – although there’s definitely a flutter of hot lust in my gut when I imagine you visiting my room for a functional fuck. Emptying your aching balls into me then disappearing into a den of your own for some proper rest. Like an entitled duke in some historical erotica. Using me because you can, then keeping the rest of your life separate and secret, so all I can do is lust from a distance and wish I could get closer.

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Brace yourself: I think this might be the most narcissistic, self-centered wank fantasy I’ve ever had. But seeing as it’s given me so many excellent afternoon distractions, I thought I’d share it with you. It involves a gang bang, a competition, and a hell of a lot of struggle-fucking.

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Is there anything in life more tedious than a conference call for a job you hate? You’re half involved in something you barely care about, and most of the people involved wouldn’t notice if you simply logged out. But – like fantasising about teachers during lectures – you can spice up even the dullest conference call with the addition of a dirty story…

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How many different butt plugs does the average person need? My gut instinct would be to say two or three – so you have a bit of variety on size and material if you want it, but you’re not struggling for butt plug storage space. But then, as I was auditing my sex toy collection in preparation for writing a wish list, I realised that I have far more than three, and I still haven’t got all the different butt plugs I really want. My most used sex toy is the Doxy, and I’d cite floggers as my favourite thing to collect, but I have at least 5 different kinds of butt plug, and I still want more to complete my ideal set. They come in so many different varieties that I can illustrate exactly why I want so many. So although I suck at actually reviewing sex toys, I can definitely take you on a journey of all the different butt plugs I want. Ready? Let’s go.

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