I’m going to keep the intro short and sweet this week – you’ve already met rmp792 in previous guest blogs, and heard his lovely voice reading sexy audio about such kinks as women in armour and begging. Today he’s here to give you some tips on (and a hot example of) using phone sex to connect over a distance. Your voice is one of the sexiest things about you. I’ll let him explain how you can use it to get your partner horny, even if you’re oceans apart…

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This guest blog is getting a very short and sweet introduction, namely I’m going to tell you two things. Firstly that it’s written by an excellent friend of mine who thought too little of her writing skills when she sent it to me, so I am publishing it here to show her she is good and cool and filthy in all the best ways. Secondly that this impulse fuck is exactly what the fuck I want right now. Sadly life may not deliver the reality of it, but it can certainly deliver the fantasy. Take it away, mate…

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This post was initially written with a particular guy in mind. He doesn’t read the blog, but he may at some point want an idea of how I like to get fucked, so I thought it might be hot to write him a story that I can give to him at some point. But then I ended up writing pure porn and I realised it was way too intimidating for that kind of discussion. It definitely does work for a blog post, though, because it’s filth. So here goes: what I like in bed.

We’ve banged a few times now – just enough to get to know each other a little, but not so much that I’ve exposed all the detail of the ways in which I really want you to fuck me. You see, although I know that communication is good, I also worry that if I go all-in with my comms before we’ve even fucked once, the pressure to tick everything off the list might make you feel like you’re wrangling to get the top score on Mario Kart. So I haven’t really told you this yet, I’ve just enjoyed the simple, casual fucks: the noises you make and the way you touch me and the sensation of your dick sliding in. But we’ve done it three times now, so here the fuck goes: here’s what I like in bed.

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I was never really one for sexting, in the times Before Him. In recent years, the closest I’ve come to a horny text is sending a sext from the bedroom if I’m post-bath soft and wanting dick, or messaging to let him know that I’ve finished wanking and he’s welcome to come on up. One of the things that scares me about new encounters is – absurdly, bizarrely – the worry that they might need me to stretch my thumbs and engage in written conversation in between dates. Yeah, I know: I’m a sex blogger. I should be good at dating communication. But perhaps it’s the fact that I’m meant to be good at it that leads to so much dread. Where expectations run high, failure is almost guaranteed.

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The problem with suddenly becoming single is that it throws up a bunch of dating problems that I very much hoped I would never have to deal with. I appreciate that absolutely none of these are serious – they are all things I’ll happily overcome, about which my whining is intended to be no more than a brief and amusing distraction as you trip down whichever path your Wednesday happens to be taking. My current mantra, as life gets harder, is ‘I like doing difficult things.’ Doing difficult things is incredibly empowering, and having the freedom to do those things excites me. Nevertheless, as I start to explore the ways I will throw myself into the exciting hard stuff, I can’t help but bump up against dating problems that I genuinely do not want to tackle. Here is a brief (and likely non-exhaustive list) of things I can’t be arsed with.

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