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How do you navigate a relationship in which you have mismatched kinks? Someone on Patreon suggested this as a blog topic recently, and not only do my partner and I not match perfectly kink-wise, I also really love fulfilling requests. I toyed with the idea of churning out some advice about relationship negotiation or communicating your needs, because when people email me with questions like this that’s exactly what I do – send them links to past blog posts about introducing kink or instruct them to go buy this excellent book which is a great jumping-off point to explore your own desires. But as I was structuring that blog post in my head, a conversation happened which made me realise I could give a far more personal answer.

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Inevitably, as a writer I am a big fan of telling people to ‘write it down’ – their problems, their worries, their hopes and above all their filthy fantasies. So imagine my grin of delight when this week’s guest blogger – Jamie Beckenstein – got in touch to offer a post about the joy of writing sexy letters. Yeah, letters. Not emails or texts or WhatsApps: letters. As well as offering trans sensitivity training for erotic writers (get in touch if you’d like to Jamie’s help figuring out the world of trans sex cultures and mis/conceptions about hormones!), they also run the Rail Mail instagram account, where you can get in touch to buy sexy letters of your own. Handwritten, filthy, ink-on-page smut. Swoon. Why sexy letters though? What special magic do words on a physical page have? That’s what this week’s guest blog is all about…

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I know it’s irrational, I know it sounds silly. I know there is no ultimate benchmark of behaviour whereby one could draw a line that divides people into conclusive ‘good’ or ‘bad’ categories. I know that it’s needlessly patronising – infantilising, even – and that by accepting the label I put myself in a position that’s wildly at odds with the feminist principles that guide the rest of my life. But still: I want you to tell me I’m a very good girl.

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I’ve been honoured to host some fab guest blogs on ethical nonmonogamy over the years – like this guide on how to cultivate compersion or this lovely piece about the realities of open relationships. Often, though, it’s as intriguing to learn from other people’s mistakes as their successes. So just as I’ve tried to write guides on how to be bad in bed before, this week’s guest blogger, Alex, is here to tell you how not to do polyamory. Or in his own words…

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