I’ve always been quite fascinated by the idea of a hands free orgasm. I once found a video of a guy twitching his cock so the head rubbed gently against his stomach, over and over again, for ages, until he came in intense and powerful squirts all over himself. I watched that video so much that if it had been VHS I’d have worn out the tape. This is a fictional story based off an idea that occurred to me while I was out for a walk, which just kind of hit me and felt so ridiculously hot I had to write it to get it out of my head. I don’t know if it’s actually possible, but if you try it and it turns out it is, let me know.

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I used to be ambivalent about lube. OK, more than that: I used to be actively wary of it. As if using this substance represented a giant failure on my part to get my cunt wet. I used to feel as if lube was for anal, and only anal. But one of the things I’ve enjoyed most about my forays into the sex industry is just how ubiquitous lube is, and how many different uses there are for it. So let me pass on some of my learnings to you: unusual things to do with lube.

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This morning I received a strongly worded letter from the Sex Blogger’s Association, informing me that as I have not yet written any custom content for Masturbation Month, they will soon be removing my Fuckblogger badge and ripping up my membership card. The only way out of this is to write some sauce that explicitly references ‘Masturbation Month.’ So here goes: 10 wank fantasies that you can steal/tweak/edit and enjoy at your leisure.

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Few things would induce me to haul my hungover arse out of bed and all the way to Coventry first thing on a Sunday morning, but the ETO Show is one of them. It’s a trade show, hosted by the lovely people of ETO Magazine (subscribe on the website to get physical copies or register to read it free online), at which a bunch of sex industry companies gather to show off their wares, and cheeky fucks like me pop in to have a nose at all the latest genital gadgets. Here are some select highlights from this year’s show, including a fuck machine that I am desperate to have a go on, and a bunch of sex toys that you lot can win.

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A while ago, the lovely folks over at Doxy commissioned me to write a couple of erotic stories for their site. Recently, because they are lovely and kind and they want you all to have the BEST wanks, they gave me the go-ahead to upload it in full here – as text and audio porn. It’s all about a woman who goes hunting for a guy to help her realise her dream: having a threesome with a fucking machine.

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