At some point, I will get back on The Apps. I know I have to. There are geographically convenient men in London just waiting to get shagged, and the only thing standing between them, me and a powerful ten-condom fuck is the fact that I can’t be arsed to take new dating site pictures. Oh! And the fact that my diary is looking pretty full until Christmas. Also that every time I consider meeting a new person I immediately run through all the possible ways it could be terrible/boring/frightening/disappointing until the whole thing starts to feel like admin. Oh God, what if the thing that’s standing in the way of this fun is… me? No, it can’t be that. That would mean it’s my fault. Instead, let’s pretend it’s because none of the dating sites are good enough, and the men I might meet on them are all wrong in interesting and hilarious ways. Join me in completely ignoring the impact my emotional baggage has on my life choices, as I present a few dating site reviews based purely on my prejudices about their brand.

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This week’s guest blog includes discussion of sexual violence. It’s by the brilliant @EuphemiseThis, who’s written here in the past about gorgeously sexy things – having her first threesome, being spanked by a couple, and lots more. But today she’s here to share a recent experience with a man who was not who he said he was. One of the things that has helped save countless people I know from abuse is the bravery of people speaking up about when it happens – sharing stories and alerting others to people who may be a danger to them. Huge thanks to her for sharing her story here.

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As a huge fan of the power of words, I am fully in love with this week’s guest blog which is about a super-hot sexting relationship which happened almost exclusively via the medium of sexy messages. In the right moment, the three dots indicating someone’s writing can have a distinctly Pavlovian horn response, and this week’s writer – Gavriel Hollander – has captured the joy of it beautifully. Read, enjoy and embrace the awesome things we can do purely with the power of language…

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I am a total sucker for gorgeous hands. Not just the look of them or the feel of them grabbing me, I am mesmerised by watching people do things with their hands – precise, skilful things. Unngh. Today’s guest blog is by Fajolan, who has a breathtakingly gorgeous story about a date who used his hands to exceptional effect long before they ever got into bed…

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We’ve been on a total of two dates, and had exactly the same number of fucks, so I don’t really know this guy at all. I know him exactly as well as I know anyone who’s willing to share a bottle of wine and a swift fuck with me, but still: he’s promising. What is it that makes someone promising? How do you turn a first date into a second, and then a third?

Note: there’s a time delay on a lot of blog posts at the moment, so although we’re in lockdown now, this date happened when it was legal. I am naughty but not that kind of naughty.

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