Kinky sex very rarely just ‘happens.’ It takes planning and preparation and time and conversation and all that other stuff. Even in a relationship where you know you’re both keen to do it, it can be weirdly difficult to set aside time to turn off Netflix and indulge in the kind of fucking you can reminisce about for weeks to come. Recently someone asked me for some tips on how to plan and initiate kinky sex, so for what it’s worth, here’s how I make sure I’ve got a regular serving of dick in my diary.

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This week’s guest author lives on a narrowboat, and is writing about fucking on a narrowboat. Because there isn’t easy access to a computer, Sara drafted this post in an email and sent it on to me for editing. I couldn’t bear to edit too much of it, because I think the breathless, raw tone adds a lot to the eroticism of the writing. The confined space, the eagerness to fuck, and the pure and simple pleasure of the experience. Enjoy!

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Let me envelop your dick. Submerge it inside me, like I’m slipping you into a warm bath. When I look at you, this is all I want: everything else would be too active on your part. I need to fuck you like I need to stroke your brow with a cool cloth, and whisper soothing words into your ear.

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Why don’t humans ever roar during sex? You know, just letting out a proper, full-throated, guttural roar which shakes the very walls of the bedroom you happen to be fucking in. Luckily, although humans are incapable of doing this, the latest episode of Dynasties on the BBC has the next best thing: 22 seconds of full-throated, hot-blooded tiger sex. It’s the most erotic thing I have ever seen in my life.

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He walks in, cock already hard. One hand on the waistband of his trousers. He slams the door behind him with his foot and says, simply: “D’you want to bend over and get fucked?”

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